Chapter 2: A Life In Motion

Chapter 2: A Life In Motion

As inspiring as all this change sounds on the surface, the mechanics were way more involved. My old life ended in mid July of 2013. It would be three months before we would land at our final destination. There were logistics to be worked out to be sure but most of the delay was caused by my own inability to act due to the fear and uncertainty that such an endeavor represented. Like most middle aged men, the idea of change scared the shit out of me. Oh sure, intellectually it made perfect sense but in the real world it was a horse of a different color. The only time I had attempted something that extreme was when I was in my twenty’s and in the Marines. It wasn’t nearly as complex. I had one other person with me, and a whole lot less responsibility.

I had amassed a huge amount of things in thirty years of living and the task of downsizing it seemed too huge to be done. So I put it off…and I put it off…and I put it off. I guess the crazy part of me was hoping it was going to take care of itself. Of course it didn’t and it wasn’t until we got into crunch time that I really start to move. Ironically, it didn’t take nearly as long to get rid of as I thought it would. It was very hard and emotional though. I sold my cars, my tools, and all of the things that I thought were so important. When I piled it all up I had two of a lot of things and had to come to grips with the fact that I had some hoarder in me. It did eventually get done and we had that final moment in our house where my wife and I were looking at each other with tears in our eyes and thanking God for all the wonderful memories and miracles that he had created for us in the house. The last thing I said to her in that house was “let’s get out of here.” And with those final words, we climbed into our newly purchased RV and we left Florida.

The part that I would want you to walk away with here is that any time you think about doing something as radical as moving across the country after you leave a job is that it’s hard. No two ways about it. There will never be anything easy about cramming your life into a cube and heading down the road. If you think about it too much you will never do it. Whenever I told anyone what I was doing they all said the same thing without exception: “I wish I could do that.” Well you can.

I see people every day that hate their lives, hate their jobs, and hate their realities. The sad part is that they will never change them. The sadder part is that life is so incredible short and if you aren’t living it you’re wasting it. I used to tell my children the only thing you have in this world that has any real value is your time. It’s the one thing you can never get back so spend it wisely and never waste it or allow anyone else to do so. That’s another one of those things that looks great on paper but is really hard to pull together in reality. So many of us want to play it safe and not step outside our comfort zone.

As I right these words I am five days in Portland and I am way outside my comfort zone. I don’t know what I am going to do yet, I carry a lot of anxiety, and I worry about what tomorrow is going to bring. BUT I did the right thing and I know that things will work themselves out and that I will find my way in this new reality. If it was easy anyone would do it. 

Everyone should but they won’t because it’s hard. I would encourage you to take a look at your reality and really evaluate where you stand. Are you truly happy? If not, do you have the courage to live your life on your terms the way you want? Remember what I said about time and that it is finite…

Part I: Changes

Part I: Changes

I feel like it’s important to start talking again. For so long I haven’t had anything to say. I’ve pretty much turned my life upside down and I feel like it’s important to start talking about it. My reason is pretty simple, I want you to read these words and have the courage to do the same for yourself.

I woke in my old life one day and realized that I had been living that life for all the wrong reasons. I was bored and totally unhappy. However I was trapped. I was a slave to what I was doing and the money I was making doing it. I would have never left that life if fate hadn’t stepped in and threw me a curve ball.

Just a quick side note: the company I was working for had changed drastically anyway. It wasn’t the place it was when I started. I always had this idea that Marty Kaan from House of Lies had went to corporate and sold them some dumbass restructure that had no other purpose than to make Galweather & Stearn a shit ton of money. The result of which was a bunch of short sighted middle managers who had neither the balls nor the intelligence to say what they thought or buck the system, especially when those above them were wrong. They had become afraid of their employees to the point that they were making bad choices that would continue to contribute to the demise of the business and speed up the decline of a dead industry. I no longer fit the mold of what they thought was needed to get the job done despite the fact that I had been taking care of business for fourteen years. I was tossed out with the trash. I look forward to the day when karma starts dealing it out…she always does, one just has to wait a second. On the other hand, I was never more relieved than when I left the building for the last time, it was at that moment that I was truly free.

Whenever something like that happens, it’s not uncommon to do some soul searching and search I did. All I knew for sure is that I did not want to continue doing what I was doing; it was no longer working for me if it ever really did in the first place. I was a slave to money and that kept me from truly living my own life and finding my own happiness. I also knew that if I was going to do something radical I had to do it while I was still young enough to make it happen.

It was at that time that our family started about moving to Portland, Oregon. For me it was as far away from Florida as I could get without leaving the country. People would ask me if I had work or family out there and my answer was always “no.” That started the process of us downsizing our lives and fitting it into a 8x8x16 POD that ultimately got loaded and sent to Portland.

So here I sit, in a new life but I won’t overload you on the first day…

Training Day 1 – Let That Blubber Fly

 I got back from vacation on Friday. My family and I spent the week in Tennessee with my brother-in-law and his family. That meant there were eleven of us in a pretty good sized condo in the rolling hills of Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Yes, the home of Dollywood. As dirty and touristy as the town (you too Gatlinburg) turned out to be, we had a good time. Of course there was the standard family brawl that we Merlin’s are so famous for. If we didn’t have at least one petulant child and pissed off parent, I’d think something was dreadfully wrong. That isn’t what this is really about; I just mention it because I figure anyone that has ever been on vacation with their family knows where I’m coming from.

Now my bro-in-law is a good guy named Tim. Going forward I will be referring him as TheProBum (@TheProBum on twitter if you’re interested), The Pro, The Bum, or maybe just Bum (you get the idea). Bum and I get along really well for some reason that doesn’t make sense to anybody. I stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago. We have a lot in common and enjoy one another's company. Simple stuff.

I’m not sure how we got to talking about working out, we had gotten into the moonshine a little, but the subject came up. Now keep in mind Bum is in pretty good condition for an old guy (probably a young guy too) and I am pretty “fluffy” as they say (nice way of saying overweight and out of shape). It wasn’t always that way for me but it is for today. Somehow on the way back from Gatlinburg we came up with the idea of doing a vacation out west next year that would consist of some sort of climbing Eiger Sanction style. Obviously for that to work for me I was going to have to do some stuff.

What we concocted was that while we were training for the Eiger, we would blog about it and blow each other up on twitter. Trying to build a base of loyal followers that would enjoy watching me suffer and maybe reach my goal. I guess on the surface it sounds kind stupid but I have come to learn that you never know what happens to your words and deeds when you blow them off into space. There could be some other overweight, middle aged dude out there just looking for a reason to get off the couch and do something himself.

I promise to include plenty of video and pictures. I will also do my very best to provide something to make you laugh such as a nice shot in the nads (that never gets old). My blog will be rich with data and plenty of gripes about how old men love being naked in the locker room. A fun, low ball hanging good time for everyone.

Bum gave me a short term goal; 40 push-ups, 20 pull-ups, and 40 sit-ups daily. As of this morning, I can do 10, 1 (wouldn’t cut it at Parris Island), and 15. I currently weigh 237 lbs and have no idea what my body fat percentage is because my fat caliper needs a new battery. According to healthdiscovery.net a man my age, height, and build should weigh between 154 – 166 lbs. Now I weighed 160 when I was in high school so I don’t know how realistic that is but it’s a start. My Body Mass Index is currently 33.1 which according to nhlbisupport.com is: “Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater.” You wouldn’t think I was obese if you saw me but I’m definitely overweight. I take three types of medication for my blood pressure as well as something for indigestion. That’s the fast and dirty of it. There is lots of room for improvement.

I did go to the gym today and went 2 miles on the treadmill and did some very light weight training. I do loath the treadmill as I feel like a hamster but again, it’s a start. Anything more strenuous would blow out my knees and set me back even farther.

Today is training day 1. I have no idea how many training days there will be or where this road will lead but I like to hope it will end with me pulling a very fat George Kennedy up a mountain with a six pack of beer in my pack. If you don’t get the reference watch the movie. Wish me luck; I’m going to need every bit of it.

From The Past To The Future

I have been thinking a lot about my blog. From my lack of blogging it would be reasonable to assume I have thought about it for some time. When it began I had this grand scheme about building this great WOW character and becoming the greatest Paladin tank of all time. Unfortunately I just don’t have the bandwidth for that. I like playing the game, it helps me to unwind and power down from the day. Other than that it is a time gobbler. With all the children I keep throwing into the world, time is a premium. Time is the one thing that a person has that really has any value and the one thing you can’t get back. So spend it wisely.

Having said that, I am expanding my content to include anything and everything that comes to mind. I think a lot about things as I have gotten older and having new children in the middle of middle age sure has put a new twist on things.

I was sitting in a class a few weeks ago thinking about my life. I probably should have been paying attention but the chairs were iron maiden like and concentrating on anything other than how much pain I was in was damn near impossible. As I looked around the room it occurred to me how few real friends that I had. I’m not sure why this forum was the place for such musings, it just kind of happened. I developed a theory as to why people have fewer connections as they age, particularly men. We get stuck in the past.

The seeds of this idea were planted on another occasion where I was making small talk with a peer and was asked what type of music I listened to. It was such a random question (to me anyway) that I really had to fumble around for an answer. After a few minutes of biting into the air I made some lame reference to liking 80s music. When I started to really grind on that it occurred to me that we get stuck listening to the music of our youth because it reminds us of a time that once was and in most cases, was pleasurable. For me it was a time of no responsibilities and endless possibilities. My adult life is on the polar opposite of that and while I love the life I have built, it is full of facts and figures and has little room for dreaming. That has left me stuck in the long long ago, unable to move forward.

The other thing that came to mind was the idea that the future has become the present. The things that I did plan for and work towards have come to fruition and are now a part of my reality. Where do you go from there? If you have lost your ability to dream, then the number of places to go becomes very finite. So since you are now stuck in today with me, we cannot move into tomorrow. In fact, we can’t even see tomorrow. It just doesn’t exist anymore.

On the surface this may sound like a very negative message. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a battle cry to break loose from the now, find your ability to dream again and put yourself out there in a new way. I have to admit, I still haven’t found all my dreams again but I know they are out there for me to rediscover. My changes are simple and small. They have to be to stick. They don’t always work and I find myself constantly trying to go back to what I know. Change requires a huge dedication and lot of concentration but anybody can do anything. Remember that if you remember nothing else. It all boils down to how badly you want something and what you’re willing to do. For me, I’m all in and I won’t quit till I reach that place just past the edge of tomorrow…

Of Guilds And Change

The Iron Hand has become a shell of its former self. It seems the bulk of my group has moved on to other things. I alone remain. I have this dream that one day TIH will be reborn into something more than it was. Maybe that’s why I stay with it, a lone sentinel, silently waiting for the return of his king and the rebirth of the kingdom to its formal glory.

My main, Callmesnake, remains in the guild and will do so until such time as the guild is disbanded or I am given the guild and become guild master. I get a lot of static from the rest of my peeps about it but they are young and don’t all know the concept of loyalty. Truthfully, I have moved a few of my alts over to other places. There are some perks to being in a guild that has a higher rating. Scorpia got a couple pieces of heirloom gear and I still haven’t heard the end of that.

My life continues to morph and change with each passing day. Scorpia is expecting another baby that will be due in December. Though I consider myself long in the tooth for more babies, I have to admit that I am enjoying them more. It must be old age or some level of patience that I didn’t possess with the kids v1.0.

We plan on finding out the sex when I get back from my trip. All men hope for a boy but I’m good either way, having one or two of each flavor already. Girls are infinitely easier to raise then boys. Figuring out a way to pay for everything is the real trick.

I don’t have anything tangible today. I read a dear friends blog this morning and it inspired me to get back on and spew forth my unique brand of insight (though there isn’t anything particularly insightful today). If I had any readers, I’d thank you for stopping by. Cheers!