I have been
thinking a lot about my blog. From my lack of blogging it would be reasonable to
assume I have thought about it for some time. When it began I had this grand
scheme about building this great WOW character and becoming the greatest Paladin
tank of all time. Unfortunately I just don’t have the bandwidth for that. I
like playing the game, it helps me to unwind and power down from the day. Other
than that it is a time gobbler. With all the children I keep throwing into the
world, time is a premium. Time is the one thing that a person has that really
has any value and the one thing you can’t get back. So spend it wisely.
Having said
that, I am expanding my content to include anything and everything that comes
to mind. I think a lot about things as I have gotten older and having new
children in the middle of middle age sure has put a new twist on things.
I was
sitting in a class a few weeks ago thinking about my life. I probably should
have been paying attention but the chairs were iron maiden like and concentrating
on anything other than how much pain I was in was damn near impossible. As I
looked around the room it occurred to me how few real friends that I had. I’m
not sure why this forum was the place for such musings, it just kind of
happened. I developed a theory as to why people have fewer connections as they
age, particularly men. We get stuck in the past.
The seeds of
this idea were planted on another occasion where I was making small talk with a
peer and was asked what type of music I listened to. It was such a random
question (to me anyway) that I really had to fumble around for an answer. After
a few minutes of biting into the air I made some lame reference to liking 80s
music. When I started to really grind on that it occurred to me that we get
stuck listening to the music of our youth because it reminds us of a time that
once was and in most cases, was pleasurable. For me it was a time of no
responsibilities and endless possibilities. My adult life is on the polar
opposite of that and while I love the life I have built, it is full of facts
and figures and has little room for dreaming. That has left me stuck in the
long long ago, unable to move forward.
The other
thing that came to mind was the idea that the future has become the present. The
things that I did plan for and work towards have come to fruition and are now a
part of my reality. Where do you go from there? If you have lost your ability
to dream, then the number of places to go becomes very finite. So since you are
now stuck in today with me, we cannot move into tomorrow. In fact, we can’t
even see tomorrow. It just doesn’t exist anymore.
On the
surface this may sound like a very negative message. Nothing could be further
from the truth. It is a battle cry to break loose from the now, find your
ability to dream again and put yourself out there in a new way. I have to
admit, I still haven’t found all my dreams again but I know they are out there
for me to rediscover. My changes are simple and small. They have to be to
stick. They don’t always work and I find myself constantly trying to go back to
what I know. Change requires a huge dedication and lot of concentration but
anybody can do anything. Remember that if you remember nothing else. It all
boils down to how badly you want something and what you’re willing to do. For me,
I’m all in and I won’t quit till I reach that place just past the edge of
tomorrow…
